During my morning workout session, I was racking my brain about what I wanted to write about today. You see, the longer I do this little 'ol blog, I know the harder it is going to be to come up with interesting things to talk about on here with y'all. I don't want to bore you, but I also want to just be me and speak my mind; to vent my feelings, so to speak.
Anyway, as you have probably figured out if you have read any of my posts to date, something I work on every.single.day is my fitness. Sometimes I wish I wasn't so obsessed over it. That I didn't think about it 50 times a day. That my days aren't complete if I don't get a workout in. That my vacations aren't fun if the hotel we are staying at doesn't have a gym. Then I beat myself up and ask myself why I do that. And, the answer became clear to me this morning. It's like I had an epiphany. And this is what I came up with:
Enter the year 2009. I was newly married, living in a tiny one bedroom apartment and working a dead end retail job as an "assistant manager." I wasn't happy. Yes, I loved my husband, but I never saw him. Anyone who has ever worked in retail will understand this. Retail hours suck. I was working early mornings, late nights and every single weekend. I was getting paid a whopping $13 an hour for busting my ass on a daily basis.
|Don't I look oh so happy to be heading off to work??|
It came up on our little trip to Minnesota. We obviously were eating on the road, so we were looking for the fastest, most convenient food we could to save time and money...so when A asked me what I wanted at McD's and my stomach turned, I ordered a grilled chicken salad. He looked at me like I had just robbed a bank. He immediately goes "you can't go to McDonald's and order a salad. That's un-American." That is when I told him my dirty little secret.
I know I shouldn't and really don't have to worry about every little thing that goes into my body. Because 5-6 days a week I eat clean and I workout over an hour 6 days a week. But, that image of my chubby little self stuffing my mouth with greasy cheeseburgers and fried tacos every other night still stings my eyes and makes me sick. I wasn't happy. I wasn't happy with my job, with myself and I definitely wasn't happy with my body. But, it was like I was a hamster on a wheel. I was just running that rat race everyday. I would cry myself to sleep some nights just because I was so unhappy. It was a really dark time for me and nobody knew it but me...although I'm pretty sure A could sense it. Actually, it wasn't until he brought up the idea of starting to workout that things changed.
|We both needed a kick in the behind!|
|I busted my behind for those abs!|